I have seen Joan Trumpauer Mulholland’s iconic arrest picture, but I had never learned her story until now. I love that this brave woman and I share a birthday.

I Googled Joan to see what she was up to now. As I  learned more about her story, I saw more similarities between implied, taught, or stated beliefs from our culture in the South. Her son, Loki Mulholland, wrote an insightful children’s book, She Stood for Freedom: The Untold Story of a Civil Rights Hero, to share her selflessness with the world.

As the book explains, Joan was born in the forties and “Was taught red birds and bluebirds don’t mix. Each sticks to their own kind.” I heard this same thing in the South in the late 90’s.

My biracial daughter was told she was a walking sin at her high school lunch table around 2016. There was a conversation at the lunch table about the bible saying races should not mix. She called and asked, Mom, am I a walking sin?

My response was, Honey, we all are.

As I write this article, I am finishing up my Certified Sex Addiction Therapist certification module through the International
Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals this week. Yesterday, over sixty therapists were learning how to do our Cultural Egg. I was drawing and filling in everything my Southern culture taught me.

I found myself drawing a church, two birds, and similar faces so that I could learn to fit in. I wrote the culturally based mission statement, God First. I knew that even though the mission statement was taught, people were not fully living that way. It sounded good. As a betrayed partner, I see the depth of pain, and then I think how many times we have all betrayed God and His will.

I listened as someone who identified as gay explained their Southern Culture Egg, and it was remarkably like my experience. Years ago, I had a gay male in one of my groups explain when people are stating, debating, or arguing their beliefs, it’s toward or with people who are a lot different from them. This man went on to explain that when you are gay, it’s not some distant stranger; it’s your own church family, religious leaders, friends, and community who think you are somehow evil and you were raised and taught as they were. It is profoundly traumatizing.

 

Before my book, Loved Just As I Am, was released, I was riding with my husband in the car, telling him how hypervalent I was about putting this out there and analyzing why I was so anxious. He said, “Melissa, you were one of ‘them,’ and they even kicked you out.”

That sank in.

Working in the field of sexual trauma, sexual deviancy, and sexual addiction, I have taken many sexual histories over the years. I still can’t get over how many believe they are better than other humans or that God somehow loves them more because they identify as straight.

Pornography is currently an 182 billion-dollar industry, and the USA is the number one consumer.

We need to do better and break this cycle of addiction and abuse.

One More Thing

Soon, I will celebrate the third anniversary of releasing my book, Loved Just As I Am. Some days, it feels like this milestone of publishing my first book was 100 years ago, and sometimes it still feels like yesterday.

What hasn’t changed in three years is the incredible pride I feel for writing and publishing a book. Writing a book, especially about past traumas and events, is not for the faint of heart!

Within the pages of my book, I share my personal story of resilience and growth. From childhood wounds to struggles with relationships and addiction, this memoir offers a robust roadmap to healing and embracing your true worth. 

This book has had many victories (it landed the coveted #1 in New Releases spot on Amazon!), as well as many struggles and hurtful moments.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

The trials, tribulations, and triumphs are all worth it if they can bring comfort and clarity to even just one person.

Own your story. You never know who it may help or what you could learn.  

Loved Just As I Am by Melissa McDaniel, M.Ed., LCMHC, NCC, shares a thirty-year journey of learning and healing from pain and shame, letting go of judgment and control, and never losing sight of the knowledge God loves unconditionally. McDaniel now uses her complete understanding of compassion and abuse to help others cope and heal.

This book is available on Amazon, Kindle, and my business website.